John wanted to get his ex girlfriend back. John was a pretty street-smart sort of guy although he looked like a geek and knew that he had to make a battle plan to get an ex girlfriend back.
John's ex, was a cute little number called Mary, (don't you just love these 'John and Mary' stories), and Mary gave him the bum's rush because she had met someone else, in this case a poet.
Personally I'd consider myself to have had a lucky escape, but not our John. He was going to pull out all stops to get this situation reversed, and as quickly as possible.
John knew that Mary had an artistic streak but really didn't think she would be truly happy with someone whose idea of a good time was rhyming couplets about daffodils and clouds.
He knew it would take more than that - and he also knew he had what it took!
So, John set out his "Battle Plan To Get An Ex-Girlfriend Back".
This was to be a three-pronged attack plan.
The first thing he did was to start looking like he belonged in the real world, not the army. He let his hair grow a bit and had a shortish, but stylish, haircut.
Reading was the next part of his plan, so, he started reading some of the books Mary had mentioned in the past. He figured that to get an ex girlfriend back, he had to be the kind of boyfriend she could talk to - or at, as the case may be.
The next prong of this devious attack plan was to show her that he was the kind of guy that other women wanted.
So, he called up Susie, a friend of Mary's, and asked her if she wanted to go on a casual dinner date. Now, poor Susie was no oil painting but she was definitely spot on for this mother of all plans.
When she said yes - as John knew she would as she was known to be pretty handy on the tooth and Susie turning down a free meal was as likely as George Dubya making the pilgrimage to Mecca - John buzzed off a quick text to Mary and asked where Susie might like to go on a date.
Now, dear lovelorn reader, The Plot Thickens…
Mary called John so quickly the sparks flew from the telephone wires, and demanded to know why he was taking Susie out.
John told her that seeing as she'd given him the elbow for a budding Lord Byron, he'd decided to move on. He'd always been friends with Susie and thought he'd just give it a whirl and see what happens.
If Mary had any objections, maybe she should recall that it was her that put him out with the cat and maybe reconsider the move.
Mary slammed down the phone in her customary genteel fashion, which John expected.
John grinned…..
He had successfully planted the idea that he was the kind of guy who could easily pick and choose. This was a vital part of his get an ex girlfriend back strategy.
The third prong of his attack was to use the date with Susie to get information back to Mary. This, he knew, would be no problem. He just had to go about it the right way.
John was the perfect gentleman on his date with Susie.
He brought her a single rose from the poor gypsy (unemployed merchant banker) who came to their table in the nice restaurant he had allowed her to choose.
During the meal he told her about all the good books he had read, lately.
Then, when he dropped her off, he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek but didn't go any further.
The next day, he sent her flowers at her work with a card that said "I had a really great time. I hope you did too."
Susie, of course, was on the phone to Mary quicker than she could say "Where's the menu"! She wanted to know why Mary had broken off a relationship with such a great guy.
Meanwhile, the relationship with the Poet had gone from bed to verse, and Mary was missing John a lot.
Mary called John a couple of days after his date with Susie and wanted to know if the two of them could try starting up their relationship again.
That, my friends, is how to get an ex girlfriend back.
The author was a lazy sod for years and has now retired and does nothing at all. He has had many personal experiences of being "put out on bin night", and now reflects on them with, if not nostalgia, at least a wry smile. He lives with his large wife, his small family having, thankfully, left home after he had the locks changed.
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